No, not mine-- although those are my running shoes. Of course I mean Ashley, our donor. She was only 12 when she died but she was so good and she was wise and she was smart and she was kind and she was beautiful from the inside out. She was so beyond her years it's incredible. She had an undeniable spark.
Every parent wants to do their very best by their children. Raise them right, turn their good little ones into good big ones. I want nothing more. I hope LuLu will be much like Ashley. I hope she will have a deep love for animals because a good heart is not far behind and care about the weak and friendless like Ashley did. I feel pressure that is hard to explain, my daughter is alive because someones daughter isn't. I think about this everyday. LuLu's liver MuM just sent me a picture text of Ashley's sisters, Abby and Sammy. It was taken from behind, the sun setting in front of them. It was peaceful and beautiful and so very Vernal. I was sorry that Ashley wasn't sitting next to them. There was room for her in the frame. I'm sure Camie thinks that every time she snaps a shot. Some days this makes me so sad I cry while I'm vacuuming, folding laundry or catch a delicious glimpse of LuLu laughing and playing. I'm crying for what they lost and for what I gained. I remember that so many people are missing Ashley while we are devouring LuLu. A day will never go by where I wont recognize Ashley in our lives. Camie and I never end a conversation or a text message without an I love you. And I do LOVE her. And I do LOVE Ashley's Dad.
God knew we needed each other to get through this. That is why the stars aligned as they did so we could meet just days after LuLu's transplant and Ashley's death. What nobility these parents and loved ones of donors have to give life when their loved ones couldn't be preserved any longer. And what a responsibility us parents of recipients and recipients themselves have of living lives worthy of that sacrifice. It is both a burden and an inspiration to me at the same time
Fill those shoes LuLu. Fill those shoes.