prima ballerina

My little Lu started dance about a month ago. We are taking with our dear little friend Olivia and it's a weekly 45 minute slice of heaven. I softly cried through her first class. It wasn't too long ago that I wondered if my sick baby would be able to dance one day. (insert picture of SICK LuLu in liver and kidney failure, or vented and tubed and IV'd to the hilltops) I count my lucky stars that her transplant did come in time. Sweet London gets a chance to do anything and everything in life.

I recently came across this blog that had so many similarities to ours it was uncanny but her little liver didn't come in time. I was hysterical in the wee hours of the night when I finished reading Ruby's story from beginning to end. I thought I was going to have a panic attack, my throat was closing up I could hardly breathe. The grief I felt for this young mom hit me to my core. I spent the rest of the night curled up with London in her crib. Holding her tight and recounting my blessings. I wondered why that wasn't us and what if it was? it could have been....

I was ashamed in those hours that I don't remember all we learned through our trials with London on an hourly or at least daily basis. I had begged James to do bedtime with the kids on this particular night because I had just had enough of them for one day. My heart ached that I didn't tuck them in, read to them, sing to them, kiss them--because I could. My sweet children are alive and well and I gave up a bedtime with them- something that Ruby's mom would die for. I cried for our Sweet donor Ashley's mom and imagined how empty her arms must feel.

So lessons relearned, seeing LuLu in the special glory that is hers rather than such a terrible two. I thank God she has such a strong spirit, it served her well through disease and sickness and I know it will continue to be such an asset for wise, beautiful, tough as nails LuLu. Love you girl.

xoxo
lizzie

Ode to Ashley

Kissing Ashley's name on the Donor Wall.

Ashley Lauren Maynard...can you find it?

LuLu met her Livers Daddy for the first time this weekend and we loved spending time with him, remembering Ashley and eating good food. London calls him LiverDaddy, so cute.

Our parents and almost all of mine and James' siblings, nieces and nephews were at the ceremony and unveiling of the wall. It was a great morning. I'd recommend going to the amazing, beautiful monument that is on the SE corner of the Salt Lake Library. It is spectacular.

Meeting LuLu. He has known her well through her blog but this was the first time they were able to meet as Will lives back east. We appreciate his love and concern for London and her health.

I'm sad I missed the opportunity of getting pictures with Ashleys Grandpa and cousins but are so glad we got to visit with them. Love you Maynard Family!!!!!!!!

Me and my miracle.

PUZZLE, yard sale extravaganza & application sent!!

We have seen on other adoption blogs and loved the idea of a puzzle fundraiser. If you'd like to help us with adoption expenses, you can purchase a piece of our puzzle for as little as a dollar per piece. We will write donors names on the back of the pieces to help us remember all of the support and love we had along the way, and eventually frame and hang this sweet giraffe puzzle in our baby's nursery. I've linked a donate button on our sidebars if you are interested.

check out our family blog to see our yard sale fundraiser:

http://thehousethatjamesbuilt.blogspot.com/2011/08/yard-sale-extravaganza-application-sent.html

Plus 1 please

What started out as a grave diagnosis for LuLu over 2 years ago has led us down many paths filled with sorrow and turmoil as well as amazing, unique blessings.

To name only a few (of the good stuff)... our association with people we would have otherwise never known.
Our appreciation for health and the life of our children in a whole new light.
Our respect for people in the medical profession and all the loving hands at PCMC-- I have always thought doctors and nurses were great (my mom being one of them) but it is different when your child would not be alive without them.
Our gratitude to live in America where we have resources at our fingertips that others can only dream of.
We have been loved and surrounded by friends and family that have carried us through hard, hard times.
Our love for a new extended family that is our donors. And a DEEP love for our Ashley angel.

HOW??? would we grow our family in the future was burning in my mind and heart when we found out that what London had was a genetic disease passed down from both James and I. The seed was planted that evening in February 2010 I just didn't know what it would look like when it bloomed.

The chances of having another child with Alpha-1 is 1 in 4, a carrier for the disease 2 in 4. For a little while I toyed with the idea of "taking our chances" and accepting whatever God gave us. We would never take back our LuLu and the same would be said for a future child ill or not. Fast forward many months of seeing her suffer, thoughts and times of actually coming close to losing her, waiting for another child to die so that she might have a healthy liver and finally flourish... We will not be playing with those odds. I can't do it to myself, my family and especially not another baby.

We researched fertility treatments. Genetic testing. Adoption. Just being happy with our 2. Until our trip to Haiti in March we were still undecided though adoption seemed like the best decision to us. After Haiti it was all I could think about, in particular an orphaned child from there. It was a major disappointment for James and I to learn definitively that Haiti would not be an option for us because of age and marriage requirements. It felt like a deep loss as we love the children there who are so desperate for a home. We went back to trying to feel like maybe our family was complete with 2 as we didn't feel like genetic counseling was for us nor did domestic adoption feel like the right path for us.

We are still so sad that Haiti's red tape and broken system prevent adoptions from happening but are grateful for what we saw, learned and felt there and knew they weren't the only orphaned children needing a Mom and Dad...and a Jonah and a LuLu. So, thus the search continued and has led us to Ethiopia. It feels good again and right. It will be another road filled with uncertainty, ups and downs as well as great lessons that will be as rich as the ones we have experienced the last two years. God has led us in this direction and we are following a little blindly as the expense of adoption, especially internationally feels like a road block that will be impossible to get around. But, as I have heard a million times in my life- "Where there's a will, there's a way" and that shall be my mantra.

home for the fireworks

I didn't blame her for being mad after the day she had and then to come down and find the TRAIN wasn't on because it was a SUNDAY. Ugh. Poor girl. ;P

Bath time in the hospy. She is so big we graduated her to a real tub rather than a baby bucket. Just had to keep her IV sight dry...She was having a blizzzast.

Then some special friends came for a visit. Nate my friend from MHS and his sweet wife Suzanne who has become a dear friend of mine. Thanks for the Little Mermaid Squeekies. SHE loves them and we have yet to lose a singe one. Loves to you Gage, Kate and Eva!

********************************

We were able to be sent home in time to watch fire works on the 4th with friends from our neighborhood. We cancelled original plans to avoid crowds and get the little toad to bed at a decent time. We enjoyed visits in the hospital from friends and family and had such a great nursing staff. I will keep this positive and NOT go into the awfulness of London being cathed for a urine sample, other than to say it will never happen again. Momma wont allow it. We will go about getting pee the old fashion way. Wish I would have stuck to my guns and said no. It wasn't good for anyone, poor LuLu was so confused, hurt and felt violated. There I go. I will stop. It was among the most awful 15 minutes of my life. Love you Sweet London. You are the bravest of the brave. Stay well now...for a while anyway. xoxo

make plans, cancel plans

the bow was a nice touch, lulu appreciated it....

woke up from this nap to my mom's beautiful face...she is still my comfort just like i'm lu's. i would have loved for my mom to hop in the crib with us!

it was going to be a really fun weekend. dirt biking this morning, birthday party for the kids, staying at a friends cabin tonight...throwing a surprise party for my sis-in-law tomorrow (SURPRISE SARA!).... but it's not unusual for us to avoid a crowd to keep London well or to cancel the fun stuff to get LuLu better. so instead we headed to PCMC this morning for a (short) stay...we should be able to leave Monday, knock on wood. we will make up for the lost fun next weekend. London's temperature got up to 103.5 which is an automatic hospital stay for her.

i'm not saying that watching the little mermaid on a continuous loop isn't fun....just not AS fun as plan A. it always makes me take pause to reflect on how grateful we are for modern medicine, the care we receive at Primary's, for our donor Ashley and how fortunate we are to have such a miracle child. she is an impeccable 2 year old. i hope i'm as proud of her as a teenager as i have been in her short life thus far.

her labs look good, she's receiving fluids and IV antibiotics, urine/stool samples look okay, so not sure what the cause of the fever- probably just a typical bug that kicks her cute, little immunosuppressed butt.

get well soon my little lu.

My Love

LuLu loves our porch and being outside. I always feel like we are making up for lost time. We enjoy side walk chalk, blowing bubbles, eating and ant watching on our porch. Her toes curl under and she's totally creeped out by the ants but she loves the thrill of finding them. She's not afraid of needles or large dogs. Go figure. We feel totally, utterly lucky to live in such a great neighborhood filled with friends we've grown to love over the last year. I don't think I could picture a better place for our kids to grow up. I am extremely grateful. LuLu has been in great health since our last hospitalization in March and we plan to keep it that way! Fingers crossed, knock on wood, Pray to God. I can't help but panic even when she gets a slight cough or runny nose that it will turn into so much more...but that's the life of a transplant kid. I have a feeling it will be a fabulous summer. :)

On her throne...