True Beauty

Thanks for the bows Rex girls!! I wear them allll the time!

Thanks for the hairy DNA MuM and Dad.
*****

I'm exhausted from living in a world where people are judged so harshly because of what they look like. Some of the most beautiful people are ugly on the inside-yet valued so highly by the public. Others, by the "worlds" standards may be overlooked, missed, looked down on...but are so incredibly beautiful- the only kind of beauty that really matters.

Before my first date with Mr. Badger I was incredibly worried, maybe even obsessed with my weight and appearance. James, without knowing helped save me from that incredibly shallow place I was in. He cared more about what was on the inside than out and my healing naturally began. I know he thought I was cute...or whatever and I definitely thought he was the most gorgeous thing I'd ever seen, but our relationship was anything but superficial from day one. My Mr. Right combined with a great book my friend Miranda recommended called "The 10 Step No Diet Fitness Plan" (look for it on Amazon for a penny plus shipping) flipped a switch in my brain and I have been free from diets, crazy work-outs and a sick obsession with weight ever since. I am lucky to live with a man who really loves me-for-me. If I was burned, he'd still love me, if I was crippled, he'd still love ME, we'd be as happy together as we are now. He loves all that is ME for that I sleep well at night (unless I'm in the hospital with Lu). :)

I promised myself a long time ago I wouldn't have children until my demons with body image were won. Jonah came a bit earlier than we planned for (years earlier, to be exact) but I was grateful/relieved that he was a boy. I didn't want a little girl until I could be the example I wanted to be. I wanted to teach her by how I lived, what kind of beauty to be her priority. And well before we tried getting pregnant again- I felt more than ready.

Not to say I don't enjoy shopping, a pedicure or a bottle of self tanner (I'm way pasty without it) but how I look is NOT a top priority of mine anymore and I hope it wont be hers, EVER. It is self defeating, shallow and depressing because when that is what's most important in ones life, you'll never feel "good" enough. Striving for perfection is impossible and all consuming. It is a disease.

I lived it for a time.

Of course all Mums think their children are beautiful, they should and I do. They are. London's...eyes, that hair, her million dollar gummy smile-all so delicious, but without a good heart which I know she has- it means absolutely nothing. I will praise her for being sweet, being smart, being funny...not for being beautiful. I want her to be a girl, a woman of substance.

I believe in Heaven. And I know it will not matter one bit there what we looked like on Earth-we will be seen for our hearts, our inner beauty and it will be what we did with our lives on Earth that will make us "beautiful" in others eyes, God's most importantly.

I will not buy magazines printing about someones weight loss or another persons weight gain, best/worst beach bodies, crash diets, how the celebrities did it etc. etc. I will not give that my money, my time or my attention. London will not ever hear me complain about weight or wrinkles. She will see me respect and admire those who act decently, treat others kindly and serve without expecting anything in return.

I feel more confident when my focus is on my inner beauty, what I'm doing with my life-and not what I look like. We live in a scary world and if a Mum isn't setting a healthy example for her children (boys too), who will? A BIG thanks to my own Mum for not ever letting me hear her say she was "fat" or complain about her appearance when I was young and so easily influenced. She does complain now and I get mad at her. She is crazy beautiful inside and out. She's the best woman I know. I pray LuLu will be beautiful from the inside out...

xoxo

lizzie

alpha-1, liver mum